


Doritos

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, a bed of doritos, almost underage shenanigans, handjob
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-07
Updated: 2013-05-07
Packaged: 2017-12-10 17:27:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/788261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John tries to use Bro's love for Doritos to his advantage.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

There was another loud crunching noise as John shifted on the futon.

_Maybe this wasn't the greatest idea._

_No, no, don't lose faith now. Stay strong, Egbert. You gotta believe._

He carefully reached out towards the coffee table to get another bag of Doritos. After tearing the bag open, handful by handful, he placed the chips strategically over his crotch. He placed a handful over his chest to cover each nipple. Once the bag was empty, he tossed the bag onto the pile on the floor. Just in time, too, because that was when he heard the door click open.

_Shit! Quick, Egbert!_

He posed, pulling an arm up over his head, pushing his torso up with the other, and clenching the leg that was thrown over the side of the futon so it didn't slide down. Biting his lip, eyebrows raised, he watched the doorway as Bro Strider walked through it.

At first, he stood in the doorway, unaware of John as he looked through the mail in his hand. John watched his lips purse and unpurse, watched his eyebrows go up and down, but still he stood there, completely unaware of John's presence.

"Ahem."

Bro looked up at the noise and his fingers failed him, the mail slipping from his grasp. From what John could see, his expression was still the same, but there was no telling what that cap and shades were hiding.

"Um, Bro?"

Slowly, Bro turned around and stepped out of the doorway to close the door behind him. He walked forwards, stopping once he'd reached the back of the couch. "Is there a reason you're lying on my bed, naked, and covered in artificially flavored tortilla chips, John?"

"I wanted to surprise you," John said, "and I know nacho cheese is your favorite flavor."

"So this," Bro waved his finger up and down John's body, "is for me?" John nodded. Bro smirked. "Looks like someone's got a crush on ol' Mr. Strider."

"Yeah," John said. "I do."

"Hmm." Bro pressed a gloved palm against the knee that was slung over the back of the futon, rubbing it roughly across John's skin. "I'm flattered."

The hand pressed against John's knee crawled downwards in the direction of his crotch. Each tap of Bro's fingers sent a small jolt through him. He closed his eyes, biting harder and arching his back, lifting his hips as Bro's hand grew closer and closer to impact. He paused momentarily to caress the skin on the highest part of John's inner thigh, then he moved forward, reaching out, and right when John took in a sharp breath as he expected there to be contact, Bro's hand plucked a chip from his crotch and then pulled back.

John opened his eyes, confused, as Bro bit down on the chip in his hand. He frowned up at Bro and opened his mouth to say something, but Bro cut him off.

"Sorry, kid," Bro said. "Call me when you're eighteen."

Bro plucked another chip, this time from John's chest, and chuckled before grabbing the pile of clothes off of the floor and tossing them on top of John. John pulled the clothes up to his head, burying his face in them, wondering how much force it would take to suffocate himself with a pile of clothes.

_That really wasn't the greatest idea._


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's John's birthday.

Eighteen cakes was too many, even by Dad’s standards. He had truly gone overboard this time. John appreciated it, though. He had gotten used to his dad’s overzealous habits when it came to showering John with cake and dealing out pride-filled notes. At least he cared.

But really, eighteen cakes was too much. How did he honestly expect John to eat all of that? Even with the help of his buddies, who had flown into Washington just to help him celebrate his eighteenth birthday, it was an impossible task. They had tried, they really had, but he doubted even Nic Cage would have been able to handle that amount of dessert.

It was late now, and almost everyone was asleep. He’d stayed up with Dave to show him his new favorite anime, but Dave just made fun of him for it. But now he was headed to bed. They had plenty of extra space in the house, so it wasn’t necessary for anyone to share a bedroom. He wasn’t expecting a roommate that night, which is why he was surprised to find someone waiting in his room.

Not just someone; Bro Strider, naked, sprawled across his bed, and covered in Doritos. John could do little but stare at him, his mouth ajar.

“Hey, John,” Bro said nonchalantly.

“Um…” John tried to gather his jaw from the floor and quickly turned to close his door, realizing that if anyone decided to walk by his bedroom, they…would have a lot of questions, to say the least. “What are you doing here?” John asked, turning back to Bro.

“I came to say happy birthday.” Bro shrugged and in doing so, shifted the chips covering himself. John heard a crunching noise and absentmindedly wondered if nacho cheese powder would stain his bedding. “Number eighteen, right?” Bro tacked a grin to the end of his question that made John’s heart skip a beat.

“Yeah, it’s my eighteenth birthday.”

“I know I told _you_ to call _me_ , but…” Bro shifted again, putting all of his weight onto one elbow. “I got impatient. Thought I’d surprise you.”

“You…” John furrowed his brow in concentration for a moment. When he did remember, his fists clenched at his side so tightly that his eyes began to water. “You…that was almost two years ago, and you…?”

“So you do remember.” Bro picked a chip off his waist and popped it in his mouth. “Good.”

John swallowed the lump in his throat. “I thought…you rejected me. I didn't think you were serious about…calling you.”

“You thought wrong. I was dead serious.” Bro popped another chip in his mouth.

“How did you even get inside? I thought you were still in Texas. Did Dave — “

Bro waved his hand in the air. “Nobody knows I’m here, except you. I knew Dave would flip his shit if he found out I was gonna crash your birthday party just to defile you, so I kept it on the DL.” He smirked again for the umpteenth time. “I’m like your dirty little secret now, John.”

“Uh…you're gonna…defile me?”

“That was the plan, Egbert.” Bro crawled off of the bed and stood. Johns eyes drifted towards the ceiling as an avalanche went off in his stomach. “Are you really gonna make me walk all the way over to you when I already came all this way just to feel you up?”

John felt his body take a step forward without his permission. His eyes still stubbornly groped the ceiling. He didn't need them to tell that Bro was wearing a smug expression, anyway. "That was almost two years ago, dude," John said.

"Yes; we have already established the amount of time between now and then. The plushness of your ass is proof that much time has passed since you tried to seduce me with Doritos."

John took in a sharp breath as his hands grabbed protectively at his butt. "Excuse you! Who gave you the right to measure my butt's _plushness_?"

"John, please," Bro was in front of him now. When had he moved? This must be that flash-stepping thing Dave was always complaining about. Whatever had brought him to that point, Bro was there and naked and barely inches in front of John and in the nude. With everything exposed. And John was trying really hard not to look down. "You gave me permission the second your previously-scrawny ass sprawled out on my bed covered in stale Doritos."

Finally, John looked down, only to meet Bro's gaze. He furrowed his brow and tried to look indignant. "Like I said, _it's been almost two years._ What makes you think I'm still interested? Maybe I've moved on. Maybe I don't even like dudes anymore!"

Bro cocked an eyebrow and waved a hand up and down his body.  John made a point not to follow the motion of his hand. "Seriously? Greater men have fallen for less of me, John."

"What's that even _mean_?" John scoffed.

"It means your ass is legal and mine now, Egbert." Bro emphasized by reaching around and grabbing a fist full of John's plush rump, letting out a sigh of content as he did so.

John yelped and jumped in place, but didn't move to dislodge Bro's hand. Fuck, Bro was right, fuck fuck fuck. Still, he couldn't give up so easily. He couldn't just _let_ Bro win. "What if I said no? What if I told you that I didn't want this _birthday gift_?"

Bro stood still for a moment and then slowly pulled his hand back, holding it up in front of him. John immediately missed the sensation and immediately wanted to punch himself for consciously acknowledging that he missed it. "No means no," Bro said. "I'd go back to Texas with my tail between my legs, sad and lonely and horny, and I would have to make do with the smuppet I made in your likeness until you came to your senses."

"You -- made a _smuppet_ \-- that looks like _me_?"

A smile tugged at the corner of Bro's lips. "After your failed attempt at seduction. Turns out, it wasn't so much a fail as it was a success, because here I am now."

"Oh." John could feel his heart pounding, could hear the blood thrumming in his ears. He had been trying to ignore it, but it was prevalent now, emphasized by the warm feeling in the depths of his stomach. He refused to think as he reached out, grabbing Bro's hand and pulling the Strider toward him.

"Is this a yes?"

"It certainly isn't a no, asshole."

Bro grinned, wrapping both his arms around John's waist.

"I was going to call, y'know." John was trying to stay still, was trying to be completely immobile against Bro because Bro was there, full-frontal, in front of him, and he didn't know what would happen if he moved the wrong way, or the _right_ way, and he wasn't sure he was ready to find out. "I was going to call tomorrow; after Dave left but before he got back to Texas."

"You were, huh?" Bro tugged John closer to him and then John felt it, yup, he definitely felt Bro's dick against his thigh. It was right up in there. And it was not flaccid. John almost felt a touch flattered at the fact that this little contact would get Bro excited, but then he remembered that Bro was a perverted weirdo who made smuppet porn. And it wasn't as if he wasn't feeling the excitement as well.

"Bro." He hadn't even meant to say it, really, it just quietly slipped out. His forehead moved of it's own accord too, pressing against Bro's. Bro's head tilted forward, leaning into it. John's heart was pounding as Bro leaned forward, farther and farther, until their lips were barely a breath apart, until they were so close that the only air the other had was what the other was breathing out.

Bro cocked an eyebrow. "So, Egbert, is _this_ a yes, or -- "

John cut him off with his mouth. Bro was hot and cold and everything all at once pressing against him, every temperature and emotion and physical sensation. He gasped as Bro's lips crushed against his, pulling and pressing and bruising, and he tried desperately to push back just as hard. It seemed to be working when Bro pushed back harder, biting this time and John made a mental note to be mortifiedlater on by the sound that had just come out of his mouth.

Bro's mouth left his, leaving open-mouthed kisses against John's jaw. Every breath against the trail of saliva left in Bro's wake was a jolt to John's nerves, sending a shiver through him.

Dizziness was overtaking him, so he pressed harder into Bro, trying to find balance, and tugged Bro's head back up to meet his. He let the dizziness settle, swaying back and forth with Bro pressed against him, holding him upright as their tongues melded, as they breathed into one another. John felt a sense of relief so strong, felt all of the tension in his body dissipate so suddenly in that moment that he thought he might melt into the floor. He would have been okay with that if Bro had been able to come along.

Bro's hands were scratching at his lower back now, bringing him back to reality, threatening to draw blood, and John almost wished he would, just so he could have a reason to be equally as violent back. He wanted to grip into the collar of that dumb polo Bro always wore, but he couldn't, so he settled for wrapping his hands around Bro's neck, kissing him until he couldn't breath and pressing his thumbs into the underside of Bro's jaw, digging his stubby nails in as hard as he could and hoping for a reaction he quickly received. Bro groaned against him, jerking his hips forward, and John was reminded once again of just how naked Bro was.

"John." It came out as a growl and John felt himself tremble. Bro's grip on him tightened as he shuddered and his own hips bucked forward involuntarily. There was a tearing noise and John soon realized it was the sound of the buttons flying off of his shirt. "Clothes. Off."

"Mm." John nodded, pulling the shirt the rest of the way off and stripping down to his boxers. Bro practically threw him down onto the bed after  that. John cringed as he heard and _felt_ Doritos crumble beneath him. "Bro, are we seriously gonna fool around on this? We could get, like, infected. Probably. Maybe."

"Infected with what?" Bro was crawling over the bed and hovering over John now. "Doritos Pox?"

"It just seems unsanitary," John squirmed, but the squirming only crushed more Doritos beneath him and he had to force himself not to cringe.

Bro, as laid-back as ever, only picked up a chip and offered it to John. "C'mon, open up."

John rolled his eyes but obliged, earning a smile from Bro. He bit down and chewed, his eyes narrowed up at Bro the entire time. 

Their mouths met before John had even swallowed and there was the relief again, washing over him. Why did kissing Bro feel so _good_? He'd kissed lots of people before, and it usually felt pretty great, but he'd never felt so...at peace. Kissing Bro was like reaching nirvana. He wondered idly if Bro could read his mind as he felt a grin spread against his own lips.

Bro pulled away to stare down at him. "You know how long I've been waiting to have you pinned beneath me?"

"Do you know how long I've been waiting for you to take those stupid shades off?"

"Hey, these shades are cool."

"C'mon, Bro! Please?"

Bro watched John for a long minute before replying. "Call me Dirk and I'll take them off."

John paused briefly before reaching up, wrapping his fingers around the arm of Bro's shades. "Dirk, can I take your shades off?" Bro inclined his head forward and John tugged. The shades came off and he barely had a moment to soak in the gold and amber hues or just how dilated his eyes were before Bro had descended on him.

Their hips thrust desperately against each other, greedy for contact, friction, anything that would relieve this tension. John's boxers were pulled almost painfully tight against his erection and he whimpered when Bro's hand ran experimentally across the growing bulge. "Dirk, please..."

"What?" Bro lowered his face towards John's then removed his hand and lifted his leg, pressing his knee between John's thighs and rubbing it roughly against John's erection, forcing another whimper out of him. "Tell me what you want, John."

John reached a hand around Bro's head and tugged on his hair, pushing their faces close enough so they were panting against each other. "I want to come, Dirk."

Bro leaned down the rest of the way and bit hard, pulling John's bottom lip up with him. John attempted to muffle his cry when Bro's hand slipped beneath the waistband of his boxers, his fingers running over his head, cautiously, testing and studying.

"Dirk," he'd meant it as encouragement but it came out as a plea, and John tugged hard at the pieces of Bro he had purchase on, pulling them flush against each other. Bro's hand was wrapped around him now, pumping up down, up down, and John was bucking chaotically into it, too desperate to find a useful rhythm.

Bro was at his ear, whispering sounds that he couldn't make out, but the tone and level of his voice was soothing and exhilarating all at the same time, sending his nerves in a frenzy, shooting wave after wave of pleasure straight to his groin.

His back was arched against the bed, thrusting his chest into the air. Bro's mouth moved to attend to this clean, unmarked skin, and John's breath hitched as teeth scraped across his nipple. The pressure was almost unbearable now; he couldn't hold much longer. He didn't want to.

When Bro leaned down and whispered in his ear, begging him to let go, John obeyed and he was gone, the top of his head pressing into the pillow he laid against, his dick pulsing in Bro's hand as he pumped steadily, pleasure ripping through John's body and teeth biting into his lip so hard that he tasted blood.

John whimpered when Bro's hand released him; he shivered at the loss of contact. Bro's arms wrapped around him, gathering John up against him, and he squeezed.

"Jesus fuck, John," Bro pulled away enough so they could see into each other's faces. "Watching you was almost enough to make me come myself."

"Shit -- " John sat up straight. "You didn't come yet, right? So, do you want me to...?"

"Hmm, do I." Bro grasped John's chin in his hand and pulled him into a short kiss. "I would very much enjoy that, but would you mind if..."

"Bro?" John cupped Bro's cheek in his hand. "What is it?"

"A change of scenery." John only looked at him in confusion until Bro continued. "I think we could both do with a shower, don't you?"

"Yeah, but -- "

"So why not move this to the bathroom? It's been a long time since I got a blowjob in the shower." John frowned and Bro laughed. "Aw, John, don't be jealous."

"Shut up," John snapped. "There are other people in this house too, y'know. What if someone sees you in the hall?"

Bro gave raised a shoulder in a half-shrug. "You're legal now, so who cares? We're two consenting adults."

"I don't know..." Bro pouted and looked up at John with his best puppy dog eyes, and John sighed. "At least put some pants on first, okay?"

"Yes!" Bro did a fist-pump before grabbing his pants off of the floor. He shouted "race you to the bathroom!" before running down the hall. John chased after him after brushing the Doritos off of his butt.

_ Maybe that had been a great idea after all. _


End file.
